Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Dancing to the NFL's Tune

Because of the uproar over churches being able to, or not being able to show the big game on Sunday, our church complied with the NFL's requirements. I issued the following statement on Sunday morning:
As you’ve no doubt heard, the National Football League recently came out with guidelines concerning who can and cannot watch tonight’s big game. Consequently, we have prepared the following statement. . .

Earlier this week, the National Football League contacted an Indianapolis church to tell them that they could not continue with their longstanding tradition of a Super---- party. The church had planned a Super---- party to watch their beloved Colts take on the might Bears in Super---- XLI. Because the church planned to charge admission and watch the Super---- on their large screen projection system, the NFL objected.

Concern about the erosion of profits from the 2.6 million dollars they receive for each 30 second Super---- commercial prompted the league to ban such parties.
The league laid down the following guidelines. First, churches are banned from using the word Super----. Second, the game may only be watched on screens measuring 55 inches or less. Third, churches may not give a Christian testimony at half-time.

Because of the league's decision, Butler Church of Christ has made the following adjustments to this year’s Super---- party. First, our video projection will be shrunk down to it’s minimum size. Second, we will not be charging for the food, but will rather suggest a donation which students may or may not make. Third, we will not use the word Super---- any further. Although we had inadvertently used the word Super---- in our publicity material (something we deeply regret), we will no longer use the word Super----.

Instead, we urge our sponsors, staff, and attendees to use the following alternatives when referring to the big game:

Super Sunday

Super-duper bowl

The big game

There was a church they had a bowl and game-o was its name-o

And finally . . . Supercalifradulisticexpialidcous-bowl.

Hopefully this clears up any concern about the legal standing our church has in connection with tonight’s Super-duper bowl-o event. We look forward to seeing you all back here tonight at 5:30 P.M.


Anonymous said...

I like that. Thanks.

Frank Weller said...

You're welcome. Who are you?