Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Till My Trophies at Last I Lay Down . . .

I received this dandy new Dinn Bros. Religion Awards catalog in the mail today. Religion awards . . . hmm . . .

Now, I'm all in favor of encouraging folks. I'm a big advocate of bestowing "honor where honor is due." But there is something about giving a trophy with a cross on it to someone for, say, living the Christian life.

Of course, that was my first response. Upon further inspection, I found plenty more to object to in this catalog. For instance, why would a religion awards catalog offer on page 57 a scholastic recognition pin # 7c32, which is a prominent view of a horse's rear? (I'm not making that up. That is, in fact, the name of the item.) Upon which elder or deacon does one bestow the "horse's rear award?"

Then there is the "crossed pistols" richly colored emblem trophy. Suitable for the usher who "persuades" the most people to begin tithing. Ambitious finance committees might even consider ordering medallions with said emblem on them for their ushers to wear on Sundays as a gentle reminder of what awaits those who don't give.

Then there are the animals. I can order a trophy topped with a pigeon, a beagle, or even an Angus steer. Come to think of it, our preschool director's last name is Steere. Perhaps we might order her a trophy. Then again, if I do that, she's gonna buy me a trophy topped with a turkey.

And I will have deserved it.

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